New Painting

Today has been a day full of surprises for me! First I got to sleep in, then I checked my blog and had a beautiful comment that brought me to tears, and then I got inspired to finish a painting that I have been working on for over two months.

Surprises are good, I love them.

Recently I have come to the conclusion that I am ready to let the lord in to my heart and I have been struggling at where to start. There are so many questions I have and so many things I want to learn. I was reading the book of Romans the other day online (because I don’t own a bible yet) and I was having trouble understanding it. So I opened it up again today with the audio and read along. And for some reason it all made sense, I think that I was not really ready to read it the other day and that I was meant to read it today. Because I got to Romans 5 and got the eager to paint, so I closed everything on my computer and pulled out my paint. While I was painting the wording on I realized that what I wanted to write would not fit, so I got angry and pushed everything to the side and opened my computer. I read this post from a blog I am new to and have completely fallen in love with, Lemonade Makin Mama. And it was like she was talking to me, starring at me and giving me this advice herself. I have been focusing on all the things that are wrong in my life right now and not focusing on the little things that mean the most. I have been shaking my cup and only bad things have been coming out. As I sit here in my craft room and look around at all the beautiful things I have and how lucky I am to have this space all to myself. It makes me feel selfish for even thinking bad things about my life. I have a loving boy friend that gives me everything I need and more, a loving family that I don’t call as much as I should and still loves me. I finished my painting and it couldn’t have turned out better! I am very pleased with the way it turned out, so thank you for your advice.

I have been living with my eyes closed. I have recently read about this book called One Thousand Gifts and I can’t wait to read it! I have put it on my wish list on the Chapter’s website and I am hoping to be able to get it soon. I believe that when He thinks I am ready to read it I will receive it. But until then I am continuing my list, with Becky, and look forward to reading it one day.

Don’t forget to smile!



16.Finding new friends

17.Random thoughts of kindness that means a lot

18.Unexpected gifts

19.Clean blankets

20.The smell of your house when you finish baking cookies

21.Friends that text me every day, just to say hi

22.Finishing a long overdue painting

23.Finding inspiration from unexpected places

24.Organized shelves in my craft room

25.Being able to be wrapped with love when my honey hugs me

26.Country music

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Life is what happens...

This has been the busiest week of my whole life. Ok maybe a little bit of a stretch, but who can blame me. I told you about my friend Tara coming for a visit and I have been so excited to just have girl talk and catch up on gossip and such. But nothing really works out the way you plan.

Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans

So the weekend before she is coming out she asks me if her and her boyfriend can stay at our house, and of course I said yes. But wait a minute; my house is so not ready for this. So the Monday morning I am on the bus and I get a phone call from my driving instructor. She is calling to arrange an in car and I am more than thrilled so I make an appointment for Friday. It wasn’t till I got to work that I realized that it was this Friday and Tara would be here. Not only did I schedule an in car on practically the only day we could hang out, but I also couldn’t get time off work. My boss’s sister is coming down for the weekend and she booked it off, which is good for her, she was/is so exited! But I am not complaining one bit because at least I get to see her and that’s what counts. So here is to staying up late even though you have to work!! Yey : )

11.Seeing old friends again

12.Laughing until you can’t breath

13.The good night kiss

14.Realizing you were scared over nothing

15.Complements from complete strangers

Don’t forget to smile!

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Dessert for Dinner

Today was one of those days where everything works upside down. I didn’t have to work today, but had a lot to do. I only things I had on the agenda today was Zumba in the morning and house cleaning. You see I found out this weekend that my friend from BC is coming to SK. I am so exited, but my house is not ready to be seen yet :S We have been living here for 3 months now and I still haven’t unpacked all the boxes yet. I am so terrible when it come to packing and unpacking; I am a 100% slacker.

Any way so when I got home I checked my Face Book and started at it… I was so busy all afternoon cleaning that the day flu by. But I had gotten a new recipe and I really wanted to try it and not having a clock that works in your kitchen makes it hard to keep track. So I am cutting up the apples for my Apple Crumble and my honey walks in the door, it was 6pm already. Needless to say it was done by the time he got out of the shower and it was getting too late. So we had Apple Crumble for dinner, it was very good :)

Here is the Recipe if you want to try it.

·        Toss ½ cup of unsweetened apple sauce with 6 thinly sliced unpeeled apples.
(To do the thin slices I used a egg slicer)

·        Spread evenly in a lightly oiled 8x12 baking pan.

·        Mix ¾ cup of rolled oats

·        3 tablespoons of toasted wheat germ (I bought mine at the Bulk Barn)

·        3 tablespoons of brown sugar

·        1 teaspoon of cinnamon

·        1 tablespoon of canola oil

·        I tablespoon of unsalted butter

·        Spread over apples

·        Bake for 30-35 minutes

·         At 350

If you try it let me know how it goes!!

Don’t forget to smile!

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So the list begins!

Faith
is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.

Dr. Martine Luther king JR

So the list begins! A list of Gifts, little things that you might miss on a day to day basis but would miss if they were gone. Gifts that God has given us, I need to remember the small things and rejoice in the many pleasures of this world. I am hoping that it will help me look past all the troubles of this world and see the good. I cannot how ever take all the credit for this wonderful idea it was Becky’s idea. Without her blog I would undoubtedly lose my way. She is doing a list as well, join us and remind yourself to see the little things in life.

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew

Gifts

1.       The smell of rain

2.       The feel of sand between your toes as water rushes towards you

3.       Finding lost treasures when going through old boxes

4.       The feeling of laundry fresh out of the dryer

5.       An ice cold glass of water with a lemon wedge on a hot day

6.       The love in a hug from an old friend

7.       The tears on your mothers face when you surprise her

8.       First snow fall

9.       A good Quote

10.   The smell of paint as it squeezes out of the tube

 

Don’t forget to smile!

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Save me from this road I'm on

It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river that’s so wide
it swallows you whole
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast

Empty; I have this vast feeling of emptiness in my soul recently. It’s like a part of me is missing, and I need to find it. I have read this book that tells you everything that you think will come to you. Think bad and bad will come; the universe doesn’t know that it’s bad; it sends you anything you are thinking. For example: I hope the car doesn’t break down, all the universe hears is: I hope the car breaks down.

You need to send out as well as think good things and good things will follow. But it’s so hard to think good thoughts when bad things are happing. It’s so hard to keep your chin up when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I haven’t painted anything in over a month; I have had my camera out but haven’t really used it. This emptiness is starting to consume me. Starting to get into my head and devour me alive. So how do I come back from this? How do I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel again?

I need is a divan intervention! I need to be showered with his love and be consumed by it. I want to be filled with love and a fullness I have never felt before. I read about the things unconditional love can do, I read about it all the time, but have never felt it for my own. I have tried but I don’t know how to do this. I can’t do this on my own any more.

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

I haven’t done this before so I don’t know if I am doing it right. All I can do is pray and hope that someone hears me and will help guide me though. I listened to a song yesterday when reading my favourite blog, which made me want that feeling so much. I want to be the tree that’s bends beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. I need to be saved from this road I am on, I need help more now than I have ever known…

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So Small

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Just had to Wait

Do you ever find yourself saying “I love my life, I love my life” in a sarcastic voice.

Yesterday I had one of those ahh haa moments, as Oprah would say. I finally realized I have been talking all about me. With everyone that I come in contact with, me me me me me! What made me finally come to this conclusion you might ask, well it happened a few nights ago.

I was talking to my dad on the phone, and I was having a really bad day and I needed to vent. So I am talking away and talking and talking. So after about 45 minutes I decided it’s time to go to bed, so I say goodbye and hang up the phone. My honey then turns to me and asks me how my dad was doing, and I paused, and replied “I don’t know I didn’t ask.” How could I be on the phone with someone for that long and only talk about myself? A bell rings in my head and that’s when it started to sink in.

Fast forward a few days and I am having lunch with one of my very good friends from my old work. Were having lunch and talking and talking, he is almost finished his lunch and I have barely touched mine. A bell rings again. I pause and ask him how he has been doing. Have I become this self-involved? I am I so stressed out that I have to vent to everyone that will listen?

Now taking everyone back to last night… That bell has been ringing my head for a few days now, so loud that I can’t think to talk any more. So I went to my honey and I asked him what he thought about our conversation and actually listened to his answer and we had a very good discussion. Were laying in bed and I am just staring at the ceiling, when I break down. I am sorry I haven’t been listening and I am sorry for being so selfish. And this part is golden and totally made my night. He turns to me and says, “I knew you would come back, I just had to wait.” And then he kissed me good night.

How lucky I am to have a wonderful man like that, he understands and doesn’t get mad even when I am being crazy. Got to love him!

Don’t forget to smile!

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Bursting my bubble

Have you ever wonder what you have been doing with your life? Like sat down and thought to yourself, “what have I been doing for the past three years?” Well I have been doing a lot of that, and came to a very sad conclusion. I have been in Saskatchewan for three years and I haven’t been anywhere. I have been to Regina a handful of times and Swift Current maybe 4 times at the most. IN THREE YEARS! But it gets worse. We were driving out to that lake the other day, because we both had the day off which is rare, and I realised we had never been. I looked at my honey and I said “We have never been to the lake, this is the first time” And that got me thinking…

How many places in moose jaw have I not seen? As we drove closer to the lake everything was different, I had never been to this part of moose jaw before. What is with that, Moose Jaw is such a small down and I haven’t even seen half of it. I am just starting to now know streets and how to get to someone’s house without Google Maps, how sad is that. Have I been so blind? Have I been that ignorant of my surroundings?

I feel like I have lost myself. I used to be so adventurous and would jump at an opportunity to do new things. Now I find myself always driving the same way home, taking the same roads. I stick to things I know and hardly try something out of my comfort zone. I have put myself in a bubble, and every day I put a new wall up and make it even smaller. I don’t look people in the eyes any more when I talk to them, or even really try to do anything with friends. However this month I am trying to change that!

We have had dinner with two friends this week and have went to the lake and just hung out with my honeys family. It really hit me that we have been so distant from everyone when Honeys Grandfather greeted us when we arrived at the cabin. “It has been so long since we have seen you, our house number is still the same you know, we haven’t moved!” Have we been so distant that even our family can feel it. I know my family deals with it, very well I might add, for they live in BC and I live here. I try to come home once a year but it hasn’t worked out in our favour as often as we have hoped. I have only been home twice and I know it hurts my mother the most but she tries to not let it show. I do love them and miss them a lot.

It’s time to burst my own bubble and start living my life, because time is flying by and I am falling further and further behind. Life is in the fast line and I am in the slow lane, the tortoise just passed me and I am losing the race. So here’s to getting my butt out the door and being a better friend to my friends.

Until Next time..

Don’t forget to smile!

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You know how it is...

     Have you ever had one of those days? If you have, you know what I am talking about. The days were you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and everything just seems bad. When everything coming from peoples mouths seem to tick you off and you just want to cry? Where you just want to run home and go back to bed because the world just seems too much for you. You just want to lock yourself in your room and cry in the corner and you have no idea why..?

     That was yesterday for me. A ball of emotion, rage and lack of sleep. I came home from work and just didn’t know what to do with myself. I was a useless pile on the couch, sitting there doing nothing but complain, “I don’t know why…” Do you ever think that the weather affects the way you feel? Well I do and I think that Mother Nature was in the same mood as me. We had a thunderstorm watch out last night, and the clouds matched my mood perfectly.

      My honey was a good sport though, he cooked me supper after he finally got out of me what I wanted. This is how our conversation went. “What are we having for supper” “I don’t know, nothing” “Nothing?” “I don’t want to do anything” As I throw my hands down on the couch like a child having a tantrum. “Well what do you want me to make” “I don’t know” This went on for a while he listed of almost everything we own. He attacked me with kisses and hugs until I had a smile on my face and told him what I wanted. Chicken sounded good and he even cooked them on the BBQ and made rice. It was so good; I wish he cooked more often.

    

     The rest of the night was a big ball of “I don’t know” or “I don’t want to.” I have a lot of love for my honey for putting up with me when I am like that, and I can’t help it. It’s just one of those days where I can’t do anything and I just feel like crap. I guess I didn’t sleep it off either because when I got up this morning I could just feel it. You know when you know it’s going to be one of those days. So did what I thought was right and stayed home. I was going to take Thursday off but decided to take today off instead; I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. So I am home and I am cleaning!! Because that’s what I do when I get mad, I have noticed lately, which is good because my house needed some TLC.

     But then the sun comes out and your mood changes a little, and then one comment from your best friend changes your whole day. It’s nice to know people love me even when I am a nut case. “Tamara you’re like the light bulb above my head, if I didn’t talk to you I don’t think the bulb would ever go off” You get a smile and a little tear on your face and you can just feel that feeling of errggg just flow down your finger tips and turn into a blog post. Even the smallest thought or action helps when you’re having one of those days. So to anyone who is having one of those days today, know that you’re not the only one and it will go away. Text one of your good friends or just get a hug from your honey, every little thing helps. Write it down, blog it or journal it, getting it off your chest is the best way to get to smiling again.

Don’t forget to smile!

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New Journey

These photo's were taken at work the day of my first day at Curves for Women

The last little while I have come to the conclusion that my weight is really affecting my life. So I decided to change that, with the help of some very important people. My Father is the main reason for me getting up enough courage to face the facts and change. He also is giving me the opportunity to go to the gym, by getting me a membership to Curves for women. Secondly, to my loving boyfriend who has supported me though thick and thin, no pun intended. He is always there for me when I want to try a new diet and it fails like very diet does. But I think at the end of the day, when all is said and done, it is me that is the driving force. It was very hard for me to face the fact that I am very over weight and I need to change my life.

Finding a gym that fit me was the hard part. I wanted to do my research make sure that I was going to like it. I am very low self esteem and I hate, absolutely hate sweating. So I found Curves for Women, and I love it. It is everything I wanted and more in a gym. There is only girls there no guys to make you nervous. The work out is already planned for you, you don’t have to worry about what machine you should be using. And the people are fantastic, they are so nice and wonderful. The first time I went I knew, I fell in love with the atmosphere and the people.

I have now been going to Curves for just over a month now and the results are in. I have lost 3 pounds and lost -3.50 inches. my BMI is down -3.39. I have gotten over my sweating problem and now I just work out and have fun.

I would like to thank everyone for there love and comments. Here is one from one of my readers:
And I know its not easy. But you can do hard things. You have to believe that. And when your ready to change your life you will. I'm sure you've heard it before 'its not a DIET its a lifestyle change But its so true. If you want to lose weight and keep it off you have to change the way your living your life. Make the changes small, this is not going to happen over night. But each small change will build on the one before. It has to be changes you can live with because if you ever go back to your old way of living the weight will come back.
Your comments matter to me, every word! So thank you for being here for me.

Hope everyone is enjoying there summer.

Bye for now.

Photo's are Copyright Sooter Studios Moose Jaw

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