May 2011 ~ Our Beginner Home

The Temptations

You know what one of the hardest things about going on this real food journey…the temptations. The cute cookies, the chocolate cakes and bakery treats. You see them everywhere and man do they ever smell so good. It takes so much will power to turn away and most days my 'will power' is already over there licking the icing.

The 5 stages of Hunger

Have you ever been tempted to go to the Golden Arches? I haven’t eaten Mc D’s in well over 4 months, so for me to have this craving, it wasn’t just a ‘well I could have one’ my stomach was like ‘WE ARE HAVING ONE.’ The kind of cravings that take over your whole body and you can’t think about anything else….

Dessert for Dinner

I had gotten a new recipe and I really wanted to try it and not having a clock that works in your kitchen makes it hard to keep track. So I am cutting up the apples for my Apple Crumble and my honey walks in the door..

Changing your Perspective

Today I am going to walk you through some Photography Tips on how to create a better photograph.

New Painting

Today has been a day full of surprises for me! First I got to sleep in, then I checked my blog and had a beautiful comment that brought me to tears, and then I got inspired to finish a painting that I have been working on for over two months.

Make your day a little brighter!!

3:49 PM

Tamara

with Katie from

COLOR ME KATIE

When i have run out of ideas or are just having a bad day, i always look to Katie for the anwers. Her blog is so fun and i just cant get enough. I know i have posted about her before, so if you havent checked her blog out yet, what are you waiting for?

I want to do everything, try anything that she has done, just because it looks so fun!!

This is her!!

and some of the wonderful things she has done...

Get going!!!....I am headed right now :)

Stressed out...

11:54 AM

Tamara

Do you ever have the feeling that things are never going get done? We have recently moved in to a new house and I just see the boxes and wonder will I ever be done unpacking. It’s hard to imagine it all clean and organized when all you see is kayos. I have just started doing one room at a time, and starting with little projects and then taking a break when there done. That way I am not getting overwhelmed with all the things there is to do.

I always feel that I have to be perfect. I am not sure why but in my mind I think there is always someone I am trying to please. The more I think about it the more it frustrates me and more easily I am distracted. I have been ever stressed out this past month with everything that has changed in my life. In the last little while a lot of things have changed and I am not sure I am coping with the stress of it very well. I mean everything has been awesome and all good things but I think the thing is it’s too much too fast. New Job {Job of my dreams}, New House {totally an upgrade}, and New Car {awesome on gas} my life has done a 360 on me, in a good way, but my head it still spinning.

Have you ever got so overwhelmed you just want to sit in a corner and cry? That’s how I have been feeling, and for not fault of Skylar’s, I am taking it out on him. I was driving the other day and listening to the radio and he changed the station, and I lost it. I freaked and I have no idea why. I got so frustrated and he changed it back right away but I blew it so out of proportion. I have no idea who this person is I am turning into but I just wish it would stop. I have the best job ever and the world’s greatest boss alive and still I just want to stay home because I am afraid that I will make her not like me. Or do something out of line, it’s not like me to be like this and I have no idea how to fix it or what to do. It’s like I am depressed about something, I have not a clue what it would be, and just can’t fix it. I keep thinking in my head “oh after this it will be better” or “next month it will be fine.”

The more I think about it the more I am beginning to think I know what it is. As I am writing this it’s almost like a light had turned on in my head. Thinking about how I have been acting and so moody towards Skylar. I almost don’t want to say it because this conclusion is very embarrassing. My Weight.

I have been stressing out about it for the past month and it has constantly been on my mind. I have recently tried a new diet and failed. Skylar is back to work now and is dropping the pounds like its nothing. I have been having such a battle with my weight for the past 3 years and have just been gaining and gaining. I am so depressed about my weight I never want to go anywhere. I think it’s the summer bug. Seeing everyone in bathing suits and tank tops and not being able to wear that kind of stuff hurts my heart. I am sure there are lots of people out there with this issue and my same feelings but when you’re in it, you feel so alone.

What a revelation I have just come to…! Now I know where to start…

{I am sorry if this doesn’t make sense to anyone, I write as a think and as my mind changes. I hope you can follow along with my brain waves and understand what I am thinking}

Here I am...

11:59 AM

Tamara

Here I am. Sitting here sick, as it were, with nothing to do but talk to myself. Hearing myself gabber away about the goings on of the day that has passed, wondering. What will tomorrow bring or rather will I still be ill and feel like dying. Being sick is always a bad thing for me, because my brain doesn’t get sick and so it carries on the day without me. Wondering this and pondering that, when all I want it to do is stop. Shut up and let me sleep, however, it always has other plans.

It starts with the notion of waking up then it’s on the ponder, should I go to the bathroom now or wait and have to run there in five minutes. Then on from there with thoughts of breakfast or at least something to drink, Oh but that is to open of a though, something to drink. There are far too many possibilities to think about there. Juice, coffee, tea or just water? Oh but that is way too simple for my brain since by this time it has already decided and now is on to a new subject already.

My mind has no notion of time; however it is very aware of the time. Minuets, hours, months, years, days and seconds, but does not stress about that matter for it cannot be altered or changed.

My stomach now screaming at me but for what I am still unsure, food or drink? I take a drink of my water, but nothing, it persists. Now is when my brain hits it in to high gear with thoughts of food, what kind, how much. Every little detail being speed through as if it was a race for best food finishes first. Throwing my warm blanket to the side, I sit up stretching for the heavens and hearing my back crack. Slowly I make my way to the kitchen, because even though my mind is running a marathon inside my over headed head, it still has not made a decision.

Making a detour to the bathrooms medicine cabinet distracts it for a brief moment, Advil to shut the door and close the blinds on my brain for the night. Taking the dosage and heading to bed, I try to think of sleep. I rub my eyes in anticipation for the sandman; the cool air from the gently running fan helps my overheated body cool. Yawning and stretching my body for the nights rest my eyes start to water, I wipe them and turn on to my side. Thoughts of white sheep wearing numbered jerseys make me smile as I fall in to a deep and restful sleep.